Funny Bad Dates Stories

Story 1

I was on a first date with this rather cute guy and after dinner we went back to his place.

He poured us both a drink but the conversation began to flag and he kept yawning. I considered leaving and was just about to say so when he said he needed to go.

I assumed he meant he needed to go to the bathroom or to get something so I nodded and waited for him.

And waited, and waited.

After about a half hour when he still hadn’t returned I decided to text him rather then prowl about the darkened house.

Me: “Hey, where are you?”

Him: “Hi, I’m in bed. I’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

Me: “Are you serious? Have you tucked in for the night??”

Him: “Yeah, you can sleep on the couch or let yourself out. Night.”


Story 2

I’m 30 and a widow. My wife died 2 years ago and I finally decided to get back out there this April.

My first date was with this charming looking woman I met at a work social event.

I picked her up and on the drive she told me that she had been married before and I told her that I had too. As we pulled up to the restaurant she asked me when my divorce had gone through. I told her I wasn’t divorced and before I could finish telling her I was in fact widowed she had pulled out her pepper spray and launched into a full scale attack.

It was horrific and I ended up yelling “my wife died, my wife died” to get her to stop.

She was mortified and apologised profusely but the mood had been well and truly broken.


Story 3

I had been dating this guy for a few months and decided that I was ready to sleep with him. He was a really great guy, sweet and handsome so I was very happy...until he decided to urinate on me! What. The. Fuck??

I was so shocked and enraged that I started to hit him and he tried to stop me but he hadn’t finished peeing so his urine splattered all over the place and I was covered in it.

I started to cry and ran to the bathroom. I showered for an hour and a half and as soon as I was done I gathered up my things and left. He didn’t try and stop me and I didn’t give a rat’s ass.


Story 4

My worst date happened when I was 17 but I still remember it to this day. My boyfriend and I had snuck out to a over 21s night club with a group of mates. We all had fake IDs and got in no problems and were having a blast.

But meanwhile my boyfriend’s asinine brother decided it would be a good idea to tell his mother about it, figuring she would just get mad.

But she didn’t. She left the house in her nightgown and drove down to the club, I have no idea what she said to the bouncers but they let her in and she found us in the middle of the dance floor and began yelling.

She created such a ruckus that a circle formed around us and the DJ cut the music. She then dragged us home and the next day my boyfriend stopped speaking to all his mates and dumped me out of sheer embarrassment.


Story 5

I had liked this bloke for ages, so our first date was making me nervous. I spent ages getting ready & had on heels to die for.

As soon as he turned up I tried to walk down the stairs to open the door but slipped, fell down about six stairs, landed at the bottom & twisted my ankle quite badly. In fact so badly that I couldn’t get up to open the front door!

I was crying in pain & worst of all he had heard the entire thing! He was calling to me through the letterbox & could see me laying there in a heap on the floor but couldn't help. I live alone and my phone was upstairs so I had to drag myself along the floor to get to my address book in order for me to give him my sister’s number. He called her and asked her to come over and help me.

He asked if he should wait but I was so mortified I insisted he go. He left reluctantly but did promise to call.

He did call but only to see if I was ok and we never went out after that.

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